Social Anxiety Forums

Elmo · Anonymous

I am 15 years old and I am not sure what the unwritten policy on eye contact is. I feel if I don't look them in the eye then I am showing a lack of confidence and if I DO then they feel like I am 'staring them down', trying to show superiority, or staring at a paticular facial feature that is not formed to perfection. So what I do is glance up at them bout every 4 secs and nod my head and then look down or sdieways but it still doesn't feel right..What am I supposed to do??? LOL, do I hhave social anxiety??? Where do I put my eyes, them damn things??!!?

Jill · Anonymous

I have the same problem you do about social anxiety, for years I struggled with similar questions as yours, and I have come to realize that as long as you are being sincere, and coming from an honest open place when speaking with someone, direct eye contact is always appreciated. If anyone actually thinks yer trying to stare them down during a conversation and you are not, that is their own insecurity issue & not yours so do not take on others problems, just be yourself, your wonderful unique self that ONLY you can be--anyone who is worth your time will see that you are who you are, accept & love you for it...just be yourself hon--don't worry about that other stuff anymore, no need to at all:)

nikili · Anonymous

You should look people in the eye and then alternate by looking at something past them like a car driving by or a nearby object. You dont have to continuously look at someone in the eyes.

Adjo · Anonymous

Hi Martin, you are still young, so it's not too late for you to learn the "game." Martin, I promise you if you read these books I suggest, you will be more confident, and will have the necessary skills to deal with others.
1-How to Talk to Anyone.
2-How to Work a Room.
3-Winning Office Politics. (It's too soon to read this one, but when you are around 21, read it!).
Now, for eye contact, maintain a good eye contact, and use the "looking away" time to gather your thoughts before picking up the conversation. Don't look down to long, and don't appear unsure of yourself. Good luck.

Resa · Anonymous

Try blinking one in awhile... people want you to look them in the eye.. shifty eyes suggest lies...
but if they feel like you are staring them down then maybe you are... blink for heavens sake... look at their faces too..dont concentrate only on their eyes... but keep your gaze steady when you speak.. and blink... dont appear as though your looking for zits or ingrown hairs or something... if they think this than you are looking at them too hard which means you are concentrating too much on making the eye contact....