Social Anxiety Forums

Bx2 · Terrified Newbie Joined: 14 Apr 2007 Posts: 1

Good morning, my name is Bryan.

Although not being officially diagnosed, I feel that I've had Social phobia for the past 10 or so years and it has only been lately that I've come to understand it. My life has been hard going and recently has just come to a halt and it feels like I hit rock bottom and lost everything. I have to get help to move forward in life, but I don't know where to start. Telling my family that I need help feels like it would kill me. I guess I'll start with how SAD is affecting my life.

I dropped out of College after a year and a half because I just couldn't goto class, or even campus for that matter, anymore. I barely made it through middle and high school only because I had some friends to make things bearable. It was all the strangers, and it was impossible for me to make new friends, and none of my old friends went to this college and I had moved away to go there. My parents want me to go back at all costs, but I just can't.

I feel like some sort of hermit, I can go outside, but what's the point when I feel so uneasy when I have to deal with other people, it doesn't help that I live downtown. Going to a store is a mess, standing in an isle too long, feeling of being watched by the security cameras, my heart skipping a beat when someone asks if they can help me. Waiting in line at the cashier is never fun, it's like people are judging me by what I am buying, then when I get to the cashier, I end up handing them sweat soaked money from my slightly trembling hand. Not to mention you can forget about returning something, not gonna happen.

When going outside I have to wear sunglasses and listen to my ipod, this way I don't have to make eye contact or talk to anyone I might pass by. I can barely use the phone anymore, if it says anyone other then who I have programmed into is calling, no way in hell am I going to answer. Unless it's like a life or death situation, I generally don't make any calls either. I truly despise driving because I don't feel like I'm good driver and assume everyone can tell when I'm on the road. Because of these, I have lost contact with my old friends and haven't done anything interesting with someone other then my family in ages. I can't eat alone at say a fast food joint. No matter how hard I try to dress and look nice, it always feels like I look a slob or something too. Never had a girlfriend, even after offers from attractive girls to go out, I always have to make something up and turn them down, which pains me to do so.

If I don't go back to school, then I'm expected to get a job. Asking for a job app is enough to make me want to vomit on the poor worker. Even after I get one, I can never finish filling them out, I have bad handwriting and it feels to me that it matters too much. Plus, I have no prior experience or references. Filling them out online is no help, I'm stopped from hitting send by panic or anxiety attacks and if I do manage to hit send, I feel sick for about a week afterwards. I've send out maybe 5 and haven't heard anything back from all 5, which is disheartening as well.

I'm so depressed from being this isolated and knowing that I'm so controlled by my fear and anxiety. At least for me, suicide seems like a bad idea, it would only take all the pain that I'm feeling and give it to my family and friends, I could never do that to them. I really need help, but going about it is my biggest challenge. I've tried to tell my family, but either I can't come out with it, or just change the subject and say it was nothing. Should I trying something like writing a letter to them or maybe just going straight to a doctor and seeing what they can do?

Any suggestions would be appreciated and thanks for reading. The internet is the only place where I can feel at least feel alive and though the power of being semi-anonymous, I can somewhat interact with people in games and what not. Like playing MMOs, although my family thinks I waste all my time playing because they don't understand.

Hobo · Posted: Sun April 15, 2007 Post subject:

Your have experienced many of the same things I have, and a lot of people with social anxiety have. It might be good to be officially diagnosed with it by a doctor, because then you will be able to have proof to your family that you truly have a condition.

The good thing is it is treatable, and with the right attitude and motivation, you can hopefully live a better life. The bad thing is that it is very hard to get started and take the first steps for people with social anxiety.

Getting medications from a doctor might help you. It helps some people but not all people. Going to a therapist, doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy could also help.

It is hard to give advice for social anxiety sufferers though, and I am still working on my own problems. The good thing is by forcing myself to do things, and forgetting about what other people will think of me, I have made improvements.

Josh · Posted: Mon April 16, 2007 Post subject:

brianq · Posted: Sat April 21, 2007 Post subject:

Wow, Bryan, I'm so sorry you're suffering so much.

The bottom line is that you are believing a big fat Lie. It is a Lie that you are not likable, it is a Lie that you're being watched, it is a Lie that you're being judged, and it is a Lie that you are a slob. Your life is at a standstill because of a Lie that you have decided is the truth. The Truth is that you are more than likeable... you are loveable and you deserve love. And the Lie tries at all costs to keep you from believing this in your heart. You picked up this Lie somewhere in your life. Perhaps it was your parents that picked it up and inadvertently passed it down to you. But it is a Lie, plain and simple, and it is your responsibility to call it as such.

Hate to be dramatic, Bryan, but you are in a battle for your soul, and your one and only life is at stake. Do not give up until you believe with every cell in your body that you are loveable. And then this Lie will be squashed under your feet. Don't give up the fight, even if you have bad days. There is always another day.

You shouldn't go at this alone. You should speak with a therapist. You should feel safe to go to a therapist... they're used to people like us! If you don't like it, you can always not go back. But it should help you to talk this out every week with an unbiased professional, in confidentiality.

essco · Terrified Newbie Joined: 19 Mar 2007 Posts: 7

Yes I can relate to your suffering.You have lost alot of your strength.Tell your family and friends,they are already worrying about you.Tell them I have social anxiety disorder bad.Alot of us hide our disorder from our family,but you are going to need their support.You are not going to beat this on your own.Suicide is not an option,life is precious.