Social Anxiety Forums

PHD86 · Anxious Poster Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 37

Thanks for that last one MyGoal - nice to know that there are other people in this world who understand these types of dilemna.

It is so frustrating when you know what you want and feel it's unatainable; in some respects it would've been easier if I hadn't had a clue.

What I hate is the fact that time seems to either go too slowly or too quickly - slowly during the day but quickly from day to day because I'm sitting here in my house. It's hard seeing other people getting on with their lives and me stuck here with a disorder that stops me doing anything.

My OT and therapist seem to think that I've learned a lot over the last 3 years but because I have nothing tangible to show then it gets me down. Not being able to account for it on a CV, worrying what others would think about it such a sustained period of time out of work and the fact that I am so out of practice in terms of working.

What I've been working on the last few weeks is trying to put a positive slant on this 3 year gap, learning to accept it for what it is and having something to say to others when they ask "What I've been up to?"

I'd be delighted if someone on this board could put my mind at ease over such a long period of time or being able to put a positive slant on it which I couldn't possibly be able to change into a negative.

MyGoal · Anxious Poster Joined: 28 Apr 2007 Posts: 28

Wow the site seems to be posting things many times lol.

I know exactly what you mean about something tangible to show for what you've been up to etc. It is one of things I fear people asking me if I am anywhere socially."What do you do? What have you been doing with yourself for the past xx years etc" And attempting to have the words ready to explain is difficult. I just say I'm on a spiritual path or personal growth path and that although it may appear I have nothing to show for my time spent, I have gained a lot of insight and understanding because of it.
It is hard for me also to see my achievements that are not based on $$$$ rewards, career progression up the ladder, accumulation of 'things', seeming to be of worth, but that is how a lot of the world is. I have achieved a lot of progress but mostly what I feel good about is the insight into SA, it's teaching me more than anything else I'll ever experience. I work each day to turn it into a positive. I think the isolation we feel since we don't have friends who are like this and we are such a minority makes it harder to trust anyone to talk to about it. But I do feel a personal responsibility to myself and others living and suffering with it to talk about it and how it affects my life to others. It helps me to lessen the anxiety. If it exists then it is very real for those suffering and it needs a voice, just as everyone suffering from it needs a voice. It also helps to expose the shame involved with it. I think shame is the fuel that keeps it going and keeps it silent.
I have no doubt in my mind, that everyone with SA has a huge heart, compassion and kindness and the capacity for huge amounts of empathy, we are just out of balance, challenged by our reactions and we know what a real world with kindness and honesty, understanding and peace could be like and we wish for that in this world. So that is where I find my strength and sense of achievement, in living those traits, helping others out, kindness to a stranger etc, listening to people's problems, anything that makes me feel I'm connected to something bigger than just me or my SA.
Those are the things that make me feel good and feel right, not some social or work achievement in the middle of some group so that I may seem more outgoing than usual and more acceptable. That never feels like a true connection to me.

PHD86 · Anxious Poster Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 37

Thanks for another great post MyGoal.

I may be wrong about this, but reading between the lines have you or are you still in a similar situation to me?

I am only asking this as I would love to hear from someone who is in a similar position to myself.

MyGoal · Anxious Poster Joined: 28 Apr 2007 Posts: 28

Well I don't know if I'm in the same position as you but I certainly understand what you are talking about. I understand everyone who has SA, it's the upside of this thing and as far off as it seems right now, I'd live to help people with this in the future, it just seems right. The anger, the shame, the things we have to do, the pressures from society, the fear and yet at the same time our desire to be ourselves, be a part of the world and so on. In the current situation where I am, I've had a lot of responsibilities slowly lifting off me, social responsibilities I had to do and in the past year and a half I have slowly avoided many things. I had made a decision I'd like to be a recluse and as an introvert it's often comfy and interesting just hanging out in your own mind or by yourself when you are not in anxiety that is and when the mind is relaxed and free from stress. That is why I got to rock bottom, it wasn't going to work for me, I was dying unfulfilled. I'm not saying that a quiet life is wrong for all people, some are extremely satisfied with that and very happy. But you know in your heart if you're meant to be doing something other than that. I had avoided so much that I had created a place that was limited and getting smaller by the day. And as they say whatever you resist persists so anxiety and greater levels of SA manifested themselves. It can happen in a very quick time. As difficult as it seems, we really do have to keep out there in the world in some way, just taking it one step at a time. Even if it's talking to the green grocer, going to a movie, whatever it is it builds into confidence. I'm still working on it daily and there are days I feel like I have failed. But there are also times that I feel I am in such a good momentum that I am nearly SA free. That gives me hope that is it possible, with good balance of time spent out, spent in, good sleep exercise, relaxation and breathing practice, meditation, good food, that we can balance it all out. We don't have to turn into extroverts but we might be extroverted now and again in certain situations. And we have to stop putting ourselves down. SA people in all honesty are some of the nicest, cleverest, interesting people I've ever met in my life who aren't just living some externally based lifestyle but have the richest inner life and feelings I've encountered. We just have to overcome the belief that we are flawed and imperfect. My partner says everything I experience with SA is like an extreme version of what other people feel. It's not strange or weird really, it's just more of it and so it has extreme effects on the body, mind, emotions. I keep telling myself that every day too. We are not flawed at all but cos our reactions are so much more intense than the rest of the population, we set ourselves apart from them. And we think they set us apart from them too. So that is why we feel isolated strange and weird.

PHD86 · Anxious Poster Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 37

Just to let you know MyGoal, that I've ordered that book that you talked about via Waterstones.

I read the blurb on the website and it looks like something which would ve quite useful.

MyGoal · Anxious Poster Joined: 28 Apr 2007 Posts: 28

Cool, I hope you find it as helpful and supportive as I have.
I haven't posted for a while. Things are going well for me. I am making progress that I have never managed to get to before, and it's keeping me busy and focused. I am feeling confident about things. Hope things are progressing well for you too Smile

PHD86 · Anxious Poster Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 37

Just got this morning - had a quick look at it and it looks really insightful.

Great find - cheers MyGoal.

PHD86 · Anxious Poster Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 37

Just to let people know - I've applied for university and managed to find someone else who was going that also had SA problems (or though nowhere near like mine)

Should make it easier, anyway

Josh · Posted: Wed July 11, 2007 Post subject:

I really wonder what it would be like if two people with SA got together. Who would do the talking?

Good luck with university PHD.
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