Social Anxiety Forums

Lambda · Terrified Newbie Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

Hi all the shy girls here!!

Suppose there is a guy that is interested in you. You would probably be nervous each time he's talking to you, right? Anyways, I have two questions for you:

1. If you are interested in this guy, and he came over to you to talk, and you freaked out (got really scared and just left), how would you act the next time you see him? Would you worry about his impression of you afterwards?

2. If you are NOT interested in this guy, and the same thing happened when he talked to you (you got scared and left), how would you act the next time you see him?

I wonder how you would act towards him afterwards in these two scenarios. By that I mean, would you ignore/avoid him, or would you try and correct what you assume his impression of you in a way, or would you try to contact him, or something else?

Please state which question you answer.

Thanks a lot!!

livingnsilence · Anxious Poster Joined: 03 Feb 2008 Posts: 19

First of all, everyone is different so what I say or do may not be the same or for the same reason as it is for this girl.

I tend to act about the same wether I like a guy or not because I'm afraid of people knowing who I like. I have never just freaked out and left a guy like that unless I didn't know him but if I did I would be embarassed and would try to avoid him for a while, and when I talked to him again I would try to make up an excuse for my behavior before.

If you don't know the girl as a friend, through classes, or work it can sorta freak someone like me out and it's going to be extreamly hard to ever get her to talk to you without knowing any of her friends, being in a class with her or working with her.

If you do know her then it'll be easier.

Now this would only work for me if I did like the guy. If I like a guy, he's going to have to be paitent because it's going to take along time for me to ever get comfortable enough to ever to express intrest in a guy when he expresses it in me. First of all he couldn't just try to talk to me one on one at first he would have to try to be around me only when some of my friends are with me. He shouldn't ask for my number at first either, because I have to know them for just a little while to feel comfortable enough to give it and then I'll pray he doesn't call me because I'm afraid to talk on the phone. Then he'd have to invite me and some friends to hand out because I'm not going to do it alone at first. Once I start talking to the person when I'm around them easily if the guy starts fliting with me if I like him I'll blush, smile, or laugh when he does, but I don't like the guy I'll withdraw slightly and try to avoid the person just a little. Once I start geting comfortable with the flirting I'll be ready to start turning it into a real relationship but the guy is going to be the one intitiating the relationship.

You can probably see why this would take patients. I don't know if this would work for the girl you are interested in but it would work for me.

Lambda · Terrified Newbie Joined: 30 Jan 2008 Posts: 2

Hi livingnsilience,

Thanks for the answer. When i first talked and flirted with this girl she seem very enthusiastic in a shy way, and kinda stunned that someone actually was interested in her. When she is with a friend she is not so nervous, but when i met her alone recently she freaked out. Actually it was her initiating the conversation, but when i followed up with a few questions she got really scared.

The next day i saw her at a meeting with some other people. We didn't talk, but she seemed to be in a great mood for some reason (correcting the impression?). She looked at me a couple of times, but she was kind of avoiding me when i tried to talk to them (she and her friend).

Now its over 1 week since i saw her and i feel like she is avoiding me because they don't sit at their regular computer lab, and she knows i usually sit there too. There could be other of reasons for why they don't show up, but it seems a little strange.

Now i am wondering if i should start texting her, or if that would be pushy from my side?

The same kind of set-back happened earlier, i didn't know she was such a shy girl, and asked her out. She declined and seemed kind of avoiding me afterwards for a while. But eventually she started talking to me again. Is this normal with shy girls? (Two steps forward, one step back)

livingnsilence · Anxious Poster Joined: 03 Feb 2008 Posts: 19

I can't really tell you wether or not she likes you or if texting her would be a good thing because everyone does different things for different reasons.

But if it was me texting me before I've ever really hung out with a person outside of school with friends texting me for any thing other to invite me AND my friends to go somewhere would make me extreamly nervous and a little standoffish for a while.

Also just b/c she said no the first time may not mean she isn't interested in a relationship in the furture but at the same time it might me she'll never be interested. I would say no to a guy even if I like them a little and might want to be involved latter b/c I'm not comfortable enough with them yet to spend time one on one like a relationship would require. But you also have to take in acount I've never had a boyfriend b/c that has to do a lot with the way I react.