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marie26
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Joined: 05 Feb 2008
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Tue February 05, 2008 Post subject: hello |
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ive joined two other anxiety forums and they havent really answered my post - or if they have they just send me welcome smiley faces... i'll post my message here too!
i have had social anxiety since i was a young teenager, and i have joined this forum tonight because things feel as though they have recently taken a turn for the worse.
i believe that this whole pattern began when i was in jr. high and came from somewhat normal levels of low self esteem and low self confidence, but at some point shifted into a more painful and serious condition. i started to experience chronic sweating, which made visible stains under my arms. later i began to experience blushing, which when its at its worst will creep down to my neck and chest creating a hot blotchy rash.
over the years i have tried a host of different medications the most recent being a 3 yr stint on klonopin and effexor. after graduating from college in the spring i made the decision to slowly and carefully ween off of these drugs, making this the first time in yrs where i am "myself" again. coming off of effexor was nightmarish, i cried every day and felt like all of my organs were electric. finally however, things did return to normal, and i was able to, a few months later begin the slow klonopin taper.
it has now been about 2 weeks since by last dose of klonopin. i feel really healthy and surprisingly clear and lucid, ive even lost 20 lbs.
im scared though, because i can feel this next debilitating wave of anxity coming on hard. it is something that gives me a painful instinct to hide myself away. i dread interactng with other people not because i dont like social interaction (i have figured out that having people in my life is actually very crucial and fulfilling) but because i hate the phisical symptoms that come when i am experiencing anxiety.
i am afraid of blushing, and i dread the feeling of sweating profusely. i have had to carefully select shirts that are dark in color and made of knit fabric so that the sweat won't be visible, and i have recently been drawn to shirts with high neck lines so that the blush/rash will be hidden. i only own 1 shirt that fits both requirements.
i dont kknow what to do. there are so many ways that my life has been carefully formed around this "disorder"; it feels as though i am bearing a crown of thorns at this point. it is really hard to imagine being truly happy.
if you have any suggestions or ideas for how to stay hopeful, i am open to all of your wisdom. i know im not the only one, but by the nature of being socially phobic, it is probably common to feel that we are suffering alone; thank god for the internet... |
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Josh
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 1443
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Tue February 05, 2008 Post subject: |
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Welcome marie. Here's the mandatory welcome smiley 
Good to see that you have had results with your meds. Have you talked to your doc specifically about your sweating or blushing problem?
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marie26
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| Posted: Wed February 06, 2008 Post subject: |
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| ive mentioned those problems specifically, yes. also, just to clarify, im not taking the medications anymore... i want to try other things. |
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butterfly67
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 17
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| Posted: Sat February 09, 2008 Post subject: welcome |
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Hi there! I ynderstand that you have been in Klonooin for 3 years. I have been on Klonopin for 7 years. I do understand you wanting to go off of that med. It has served me well at times, but it can really fool you. I just went to the doc to try once again to wean off of it. I have GAD, SAD, just give it and intitail and it;s me I guess. I am forty and have suffered from a chemical imbalance all of my life. I DON"T want to take drugs either. Howeverm my advice (not to be bossy) is to take care and try to do what you want and can do. If it gets bad son't suffer like I have, I needed more than just the Klonopin, I finally after cnaceling 5-6 appointments went to the Doc yesterday and he started my again on Zoloft. I am very hopegul as 7 years ago it seems to be one of the best drugs for me. It was the closest I can remember to feeling comfortable in my skin, and to some extent with others as well. Just don;t make yourself miserable, I care for everyone on this site with these problems. Believe me I absolutely understand you not wanting meds. Do you have any personal support? Right now I am sort of depending on this site but no one seems to respond much I hope that picks up. Much kindness and hopes for you, Tammie
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SpaceMonkey
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Joined: 05 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Tue March 11, 2008 Post subject: Re: hello |
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| marie26 wrote: |
i am afraid of blushing, and i dread the feeling of sweating profusely. i have had to carefully select shirts that are dark in color and made of knit fabric so that the sweat won't be visible, and i have recently been drawn to shirts with high neck lines so that the blush/rash will be hidden. i only own 1 shirt that fits both requirements.
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Hi marie26. I would like to give you some advice, something besides pills and drugs of any kind since I haven't taken any, and refuse to do so. I suggest taking everything I say as seriously as you can, and not taking it too seriously, at the same time. See, I'm the type of person who should be taking his own advice, so until I see results in myself I consider all of this to be shit-talk!! Regardless, I reckon it's the only way to go. Read on. =)
I suggest going ahead and sweating away! It's good advice, but it's unlikely to get through to you. See, you've spent an awful lot of time and effort into 'hiding' this symptom like you said, so facing it head on and still not giving-a-shit is prolly the last thing on your mind. But I say "If you can't hide it, feature it!" (not my quote btw...)
Of course, nobody thinks that sweat stains look very attractive, but as you've described this is only prevalent when social anxiety kicks in. The point here is to be able to say to yourself, "Oh oh, I'm sweating again. Wait, so what??!" The way I see it, what you really fear is how others will react to these external symptoms (well, obviously...). So face your fear and let them react. Learn from it. Willingly allow yourself to be traumatized by your anxiety in front of others, and repeat without pause until something goes ‘click!’ in the noggin. Easy to say, of course. =p
Most people won’t even realize it (no doubt you’ve already noticed that most of this is all in your head anyway, right?) -- and if they do, they won’t mention it. Sure, you might get the occasional odd look or two, but keep it up anyway. But what if they do mention it?
> “Hey marie, what’s with the sweat stains?”
- “Uhhh, look, when I’m around so many people I get all nervous and stuff. I’m trying to de-sensitize myself to it, so check it out yo!”
> “Cool”, or whatever.
Simple.
A major problem with this is that we social-phobics have a tendency to go through all the worst scenarios in our minds, like maybe getting ostracized for having a rash on your neck! That’s silly. In response, rather than face our fears we become increasingly good at escaping from them. Perhaps then, as you attempt any of this ‘have courage’ stuff, you should recognize your negative and highly exaggerated thought patterns, and will yourself to change them over time. Classic self-help book stuff (you know, with the smiley fat guy in a suit on the front cover, lol), but this is basically where I’m up to right now in my life.
I consider it like driving. When I was learning to drive on my own I was very self-aware and would become incredibly fixated on every little detail. In short, I was kinda nervous – but not as bad as my S.A. After some weeks of this I recall driving down a road and suddenly realizing how out-of-my-head I had been the whole time I was driving to my destination. I suppose getting over social anxiety will be the same way.
It won’t be, “woah, I feel so awesome talking to these people right now!” Why would a person who already feels awesome around others be all up in his (or her) head? They wouldn’t. But they might notice how much they have changed within, over a period of time and after continuous effort. To put it simply, I have faith that everything I willingly put myself through will eventually add up in the end, and that I won’t even realize it! A lot like driving. (Read Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. I haven’t even finished it and it’s crazy helpful.)
Until that happens, I continue to face my fears, the ensuing depressive episodes and the occasional night-long sulks. Like putting yourself in the midst of a fire, and finding a way to not get burned (also not from me… lol, I wish I could be more poetic). Take care of this, and perhaps you’ll find the physical symptoms you have will gradually disappear.
Also marie: I think one of the major problems we collectively face is that we always shy away from standing out. We feel uncomfortable with the mere thought of attention, whether good or bad. Did it ever occur to you, that there are bigger, more encompassing things to focus on; like learning to become comfortable with attention? When a friend of mine first told me this it was like a ‘light bulb moment’ for me. Now, I’m even teaching mathematics to entire classes of high school kids on Saturdays!
Again, take all of this seriously and not too seriously, simultaneously. Maybe you’ll find that something I’ve written resonates with you, so act on it. At the very least, my post might encourage others to liven this place up. Everyone’s so caught up in what’s the best drug, and this and that happened to me when I was younger, etc. It’s GREAT, except for the fact that hardly anyone shares their successes! The whole Internet is filled with symptoms, rants, and people unloading themselves on web forums. It's not a bad thing at all, but I hope to encourage a more positive outlook on all of this, and to get people to really start thinking of ways to lead a better life for themselves.
Hope that was helpful. =)
Spread the love,
SpaceMonkey
Oh, and I loved this quote from you: "i know im not the only one, but by the nature of being socially phobic, it is probably common to feel that we are suffering alone".
Well said. =) |
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