Social Anxiety Forums

Bravetailor · Calm Regular Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 55

Hey guys. I'm taking a break from my job hunting to drop by this site and look around. I think I may have been a member here before, or maybe another SA site, but that was about 3 or 4 years ago, so I don't know if this was around back then.

I'm pretty old now, almost 30, and I've been trying things left and right to try to get myself into being a contributing member of society and find a way to "get rid of" my anxiety. Not quite there yet, but I'm better now that I was at 25. Thought I'd share some experiences with you guys.

Anyway, about 4 years ago, I started to find myself "stuck". I was skipping classes in college, and I found myself more and more nervous at the thought of facing so many people regularly in class on a daily basis. Furthermore, I was majoring in a subject I didn't really like but wasn't close to finishing yet. At the same time, I had gone too far to really change majors. So I was pretty miserable--still living with the parents, not close to graduating (yet too far along to change paths) and I had started developing a bad case of "social anxiety" to boot!

Anyway, I dropped out of college for two years and couldn't find the courage to do much. I began attending social anxiety meetings in the city, but I never stuck with them for very long. I found them moderated by people a little too "positive" for my tastes. I'm all for being optimistic, but there can be a time when it tips into patronizing. I even attended a few meetups through the www.meetup.com website, but they were not helpful and the people tended to dwell on their own depressing state of life instead of constructive conversation. In recent months, the website has degenerated into ads for seminars hosted by people who want you to pay to watch them talk...

After much talk and conflict with the family, I did decide to go back to school to finish my major, and I got my savings and moved out to live on my own as well. I loaded up on courses to finish it that year, too.

It did help. The main goal was to get my degree, even if I didn't like it. I tried looking out for college clubs and activities to join this time, but not much interested me, so I can't say that I made many lasting relationships in this key year. The positive thing was that I had pretty much a perfect attendance record this year and after the first few weeks, I stopped being afraid of going to classes. Sure, the first few weeks were tough--many trips to the washroom to calm down, etc. The key, for me, was to accept I was nervous and not fight the anxiety. Just find a place to let it come and subside (it usually does after a while)

I could have participated more in class, but it was a step up from before. Anyway, by last fall I finally completed my degree, and got my GPA up as well! Moving out also made it better for my relationship with my family. I suspect many people have problems that are doubly exacerbated by family pressures.

Anyway, this isn't me trying to inspire anyone, but I think for me having a clear goal definitely helped get my mind back on track and trudge on despite any anxiety problems I had. Yes, I would like to be in a relationship sometime soon again and be more sociable in general but I try not to let my lack of it consume me. Plus, I think of it in practical terms--why would I want to be in a relationship when I can barely support myself? I need to nail down a good job first. Now, that doesn't stop many poorer people from dating, but I'd still like to get my confidence and finance up before I seriously trudge into it again.

Anyway, so I've been looking for regular work lately and I'm probably going to get into volunteer work to further boost my experience and confidence levels. It's going to be hard, I'm sure, especially because of the big gap of unemployment in my resume during my mid 20s, and my general lack of confidence and still-reasonable amount of anxiety. but there's still a little bit of cockyness in me that says bring it on! Ambition, folks, is a great motivator when embraced the right way. Wish me luck! I'll post anything else I hope might help some people here in the future.

SpaceMonkey · Terrified Newbie Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 6

Hi Bravetailor!

This is exactly the kind of forward-thinking post I was hoping to find on a site like this. You are correct in mentioning "people tended to dwell on their own depressing state of life instead of constructive conversation", as I see too much of this all over the Internet already.

Lately I have involved myself in gradually progressing to a more comfortable social existence, by setting myself weekly and daily goals to achieve. Like today, when I set out to buy me some nice new shirts, and I got to the mall, but all I did was chuck a lap around the place for 10 mins and got back in my car immediately. Nevertheless, I look forward to next week. Smile

The reason I decided to post up around here was to find like-minded individuals wanting to finally grasp life by the horns!! It seems that you have been quite constructive yourself, sir, so I encourage you to please post up anything you can that may motivate and inspire the rest of us. As I wish to do the same (although admittedly I'm a massive procrastinator... oh, and I'm working now!!).

So yeh...

In short, welcome! And congrats on completing your degree an all dat.

PS: "I began attending social anxiety meetings in the city..." Can you tell me more about this? I had the idea of starting something like this on my own, and I'd like to know more about how others have organized such meetings.

Cheers mate,
SpaceMonkey

Bravetailor · Calm Regular Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 55

SpaceMonkey · Terrified Newbie Joined: 05 Mar 2008 Posts: 6

Bravetailor · Calm Regular Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 55

I do see where you are coming from, and I wish you good luck in your quest to perhaps form an ideal group. I often do have this daydream where, perhaps, many of us could be members of a single, expansive group for SA that spans across the continent where we could perhaps speak or make aware of ourselves to others like us so we could overcome it. But not on a level confined just to the internet. Perhaps we could also communicate to others through posters or pamphlets from city to city, depending on where each member lives, distributed by anyone involved with the group and even members who may not necessarily be people who would attend "meetings", yet could still feel like a part of a group. Sort of some covert-yet-open-to-the-public type of group, but not cult-like or sinister like the Freemasons. Wink

Or sort of like the comic book 'Invisibles' but without the terrorism and violence. Wink

But the idea of a group that spans the continent, with members who can choose to contribute to the group on their own OR with other people is, I think an underrated idea that should be expanded upon.

But again, getting a lot of people to buy into it would be tough.

As for your last question, I'll elaborate.

I went googling for social anxiety support groups in my city at first. And I found 1 or 2 websites that would give directions to times and meeting places throughout the city, or perhaps just 1 regular meeting place in the city. This could be anywhere--a restaurant, a library (my preference) or an unused classroom in a college after classes are over. Most (if not all) SA meetup groups don't force you to talk, so you can just sit and watch how things unfold without being singled out. Occasionally you might run into a smartass leader who pulls the "bait and switch" on you and asks you to introduce yourself to the group but that is a very, very rare occurrence in my experience and I simply walked out on that one when I got tired of the group leader's antics.

My own college had support groups for various problems too, and one of them was for shyness and communication, which is basically SA. This was a school sponsored support group though, not a peer oriented one.

The last of this type of group I attended was through www.meetup.com

This site allows you to search for various interest groups around the world, and if you play around with the site, you should find your interest and see if there are any groups in your city that has one catered towards your interest. There are quite a few social snxiety meetup groups around the world on that site, so obviously it is a popular 'interest'. You have to sign up to become a member of the site but signup is free so it's not a big problem.

Try these options out for yourself.

smith9999 · Anxious Poster Joined: 17 Mar 2008 Posts: 12

I agree with you bravetaylor I would much rather read a post with a more positive outlook. I only wish I could think of something positive to say