Social Anxiety Forums

megalon · Posted: Mon April 07, 2008 Post subject: Hello from Jason

I've spent a little time looking at other people's introduction posts and I think I can work up the courage to put myself out there like this so here goes...

My name is Jason, I'm 21, and I have suffered with SA for as long as I can remember. I avoid eye contact with everyone. I eat lunch alone in my car everyday because I think everyone is watching me eat in the cafeteria at work. I try to avoid talking to anyone unless I absolutely have to, no hellos, no small talk, nothing. I have been at my current job for 2 yrs now (don't know how they tolerated me for that long) and I have some coworkers that I could probably count the number of words I have spoken to them on two hands.
My mother tells me that people think I am rude because of this. She's always on my case saying things like "that's enough of this shyness crap, you can't live your life this way!" I guess she thinks I can just flip a magic lever and become a more normal person immediately.
I am an avid paintball player. It seems like the paintball field is the only place I can really let go of my anxiety while still being in a social environment. When I am wearing my googles, people can't see my face. I feel like I can just blend in with everybody else. I am a different person on the field, able to talk to my teammates and even yell over the sounds of a gunfight.
I used to just accept SA as the way I am and the way I will always be, but within the past year, a few things have happened that made me want to make a change for the better. I met a girl at work. For some reason, she seemed to be willing to take the time and effort to get to know me. Over the course of six months, we became great friends. The social anxiety seemed to fade away when she was near. I could talk to her openly about anything. No person had ever had this effect on me. She even asked me to give her a ride in my car across town a few times. Anyway, one day the inevitable question came up "why do you act the way you do around other people?" Usually when presented with this question by someone else my response would be "I have nothing to say" but I wanted to give her a more sincere response. I had no idea what SA was at the time. I just froze, trying to think of an answer. She broke the awkward silence saying "you're a good looking guy, you should be more confident." At that moment I realized, maybe I don't have to be a disappointment to myself and everyone around me, maybe there are other people who would like to get to know me. She has since moved on to another job and I haven't seen her in almost a year, but I will always remember her as the best friend I've ever had.
A few months ago, there was a day when I woke up seemingly without the anxiety. I felt confident all day, I was able to speak to everyone without my voice cracking and sweat dripping down my forehead, I was able to make eye contact with everyone, even my boss. It only lasted one day and then I was back to my same old self. I really liked that confident feeling and I want to get it back.

Sorry if I wasted your time with this long boring story.

livingnsilence · Posted: Mon April 07, 2008 Post subject: Re: Hello from Jason

Josh · Posted: Mon April 07, 2008 Post subject:

Paintball sounds real fun. I've never tried though. Does it hurt when you get hit?

People who don't have SA often don't understand what its like to have and think you can just "will" yourself out of it. It takes time. But its possible.
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Bobby · Calm Regular Reputation: 0 Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 57

So did that girl actually like you, more than a friend? Funny how you she said you were good looking. I agree with her - if you're good looking you should be confident! I would think it easier to do since people tend to treat good looking people better.

Bravetailor · Posted: Tue April 08, 2008 Post subject: Re: Hello from Jason

megalon · Posted: Tue April 08, 2008 Post subject: