Social Anxiety Forums

Voiceofmine · Anonymous

Today I was so close to ending my life. Ive had enough of not being able to be like I want to be, of being a waste of space, for being so pathetic when there is alot worse things that could happen to me.

Im 19. when i was about 15 i said to myself if things dont get better by the time im 20, that i owuld just end it. I now have a month to go.

There have been alot of people in my life, alot that i cared about and lost because of the way I am. I know I hurt my parents so much, i cant talk to them, i cant even look at them, im so ashamed of myself, i often wish they would stop caring about me so i could disappear completely.

I am so pathetic, i am, i know. Ive fought this for so long, and im so tired of hurting so much when i realise I cant achieve what i want.

Im getting help from the health system, but due to my placid nature im pretty sure they are not concernd about me at all. Ive always thought of doing somthing crazy so the docs would bother with me. I think what I want is to be put into some sort of clinic in the country, sounds extreme, but I cant be here any more, it will end me before this year is out.

i dont know why im posting this, and i dont know if anyone will genuinely care, but im out of ideas

take care

Tris · Anonymous

hey, i know you feel like giving up, but dont, it is REALLY hard but you gotta stick in there and not let this beat you. there is not much i could say, its hard to give advice when your in the same boat, but I know i wont give up and you shouldnt either, im also 19, my birthday is this month, we both have our whole lives ahead of us. if you feel like your at rock bottom, it could only get better from there right? just dont end your life, thats the worst thing you could do, it wouldnt solve anything.

Sheppy · Anonymous

You mentioned that you have hurt your parents badly and that you cannot even look at them due to your shame. Well, I gather that neither of your parents are sa and probably have little understanding of the turmoil you feel. However, if you think about it, you really have not hurt them and you should know that your affliction is nothing to be ashamed of.
You also mentioned that what you believe will help is to be sent to a clinic somewhere. Since you are at a point where you cannot talk or even look at your parents, I would suggest you express your feelings, pour them out, in a letter and include what you think will help and leave it where they will find it to read. I just get the feeling that they are unaware of the depth of your distress and will be in a better position to help you as long as you keep the lines of communication open with them in whatever way works for you. Hope this and other posts will be helpful for you.