Social Anxiety Forums

betty_felon · SAF Squire Reputation: +1 Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 12

I found this site through wikipedia
I'm 24 and I live in Ohio

I am self diagnosed but I don't think I have an extreme case of social anxiety

The only time I am ever really not at home is when I'm at work, and I generally am not anxious there because most of the stuff I talk to people about has to do with my job and not about me. I can handle being around people as long as the conversation has nothing to do with my personality.

I avoid making small talk because I'm so bad at it and I worry about what the person I'm talking to would think about me. I have no friends, haven't since I was a freshman in high school and that last friend was one I knew in elementary school and she 'dumped' me I think because I wasn't cool enough for her anymore. Junior high and high was such a culture shock for me, it takes me so long to get comfortable around people and I think I was okay in elementary school because I was around all of those kids for so many years, I remember being shy then but not enough to where I wasn't friends with anyone. Then when I went to junior high I didn't know anyone and was too scared to talk to anyone.

I was never picked on which really shocks me because I would have been the easiest target. I don't speak up for myself. I still don't. People my age are the ones who make me feel the most comfortable, for some reason I don't feel as much judgement from people who are 10 years younger or 10+years older.

There is an ongoing joke that everyone says about people who are quiet. "Oh it's always the quiet ones, you think you're safe around them and then one day they snap and start killing people''. I think I have a pretty good sense of humor, I can take a joke but that one kills me. I hate it more than anything, I'm not easily offended by that offends me because now it has me thinking that people think I'm crazy and are only nice to me so they aren't on my hit list.

I think I've gotten more social lately. Thank god for one of my co-workers, she's taken me under her wing and since we've worked together for the past nine years I feel pretty comfortable around her. I hope she's helping me because she likes me and not because she feels sorry for me. We went out to a bar together Monday night to meet up with one of her friends. Later in the night a few of our other co-workers showed up and I froze but I had a couple of drinks by then so I talked a little bit, but not really enough to let people know me. I don't think I can relate to anyone, especially the people I work with who are the only people I am around. I don't think we would like the same music and that I would be made fun of for liking the stuff that I like.

People on other forums tell me that I can meet people I have stuff in common with is by doing things that I like but I've been stuck for so long that I don't even feel like I have a personality anymore. I don't do anything, I don't know what I like. I'm not a big reader and I don't have any hobbies, all I do is sit in my bedroom all day listening to music, watching TV and looking at communities on livejournal. That is nothing that I want to tell people. I get asked what I did over my weekend and I either tell them work (which is true because I do work over the weekend) or I say "Not a whole lot" which I follow with a "I'm pretty boring". I guess if I say it it wouldn't hurt as bad as if they were the one who said it.

I feel like such a late bloomer. I didn't have my first date/kiss until I was 19 and that was with someone I met over the internet and I didn't really like him, I just went to get those firsts over with. Now I sort of have a crush on this guy who seems like someone I could have stuff in common with if I wasn't such a wuss to talk to him. Last time I saw him he told me that I looked great and he always calls me these little pet names like darlin and sweetie, one time he called me baby doll (which is sort of cheesy but coming from someone you like it doesn't seem as lame) so I think he might like me, I don't know. I am pretty clueless about that sort of stuff. Oh and I'm still a virgin so I'm worried that will put a big damper on things because I don't know many guys in their mid to late 20s who sex isn't important to.

I don't want to date another social anxious person, I don't want anyone like me, I'm boring enough for the both of us. I want someone exciting and fun and not like me, which makes me wonder if that is the reason why I like this guy. I don't know, making decisions is also something else I have problems with.

I think I'm going to end it right here, that is a lot wordier than I thought it was going to be.

iPlume · Posted: Thu June 21, 2007 Post subject:

hi welcome to the forums, i hope you find this place as useful as i do
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mini goal:

Josh · Posted: Thu June 21, 2007 Post subject:

Welcome to the forums betty. Great first post.

DS · SAF Knight Reputation: +10 Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 50

Sounds less like anxiety and more like lacking social skills.

Doesn't sound like you worry too much, go out and try new things.

betty_felon · SAF Squire Reputation: +1 Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 12

How do you get social skills?